Sunday, 18 March 2012

Kai Oblivion: Chapter Four


The Good Times And Bad

Kai sat in the back of the Bentley, feeling uneasy at the speed at which Skulduggery was going. He had heard an awful lot of rumours about Skulduggery being insane. And, yet again, Sarci was sitting next to him, screeching.

"Do you know who I am!" he would screech. "This is unacceptable! Absolutely unacceptable!"
"Kai, could you stop your friend from vomiting in the car?" Skulduggery asked.
"What do you expect me to do?" Kai asked, a little disgusted.
Skulduggery smiled his fake face. "Push his head out the window, I'm sure Valkyrie will be very happy to tell Sarci when he's about to be pushed facefirst into a large pole."

Valkyrie shook her head at Skulduggery.
"Alright, I'm sure that will work fine," Kai said.
So, Kai stuck Sarci's head out the window, and he kept squirming and screaming.
"Shut up, or I'll wind the window up," Kai said sternly. And that persuaded him.

Eventually the Bentley came to a halt, and not once had Sarci had to jerk back away from something about to hit him in the face. They were at a worn-down warehouse.
"What is this place?" Kai asked. And then they saw a dog. They all got out - except for Sarci, and they closed their doors and locked it. Skulduggery came to Sarci's side and smiled his fake smile.
"If you do anything to my car, I will lock you in the boot," Skulduggery said.
Sarci nodded frantically, and Skulduggery smacked him. He turned towards the dog.
"Shoo," Skulduggery said.
Lavender Hope formed into a human, scowling at Skulduggery. Skulduggery looked dazed, with his fake face.
"I'm not a fly," Lavender said sternly.
“I know,” Skulduggery said. “But I would do the same to a dog sitting in front of a warehouse.”
“Any warehouse?” Lavender asked.
“Well, no. The dog could belong to a person that works in the warehouse. I’m not very fond about dogs...” Skulduggery said, adding a little queasiness to his voice.
“Well, this is just a guess, but do you dislike them because they’ll put hair in your clothes?”
“Yes. It makes me itchy.”
“But you have no skin...”
“Ah. Touché.”
Kai shook his head, snapping out of his trance. “Okay, let’s be normal people, now.”
“I’m insane,” Skulduggery said.
“Yes, but hopefully you can control that, can you not?”
“I’ll try my best...”

They all sat in the office. Sarci sat at the end, Kai sitting next to Lavender, Skulduggery sitting in the chair in opposition to Sarci, and Valkyrie sitting opposite to Lavender.

“What is your master’s plan?” Skulduggery asked.
“I will share nothing!” Sarci screamed.
“Oh, I think you will,” Skulduggery said.
Sarci faltered. “What makes you think I will?” Sarci snapped.

Skulduggery pulled out his gun, cocked the hammer back. “You’ve heard stories of me, I presume? Skulduggery Pleasant, brilliant detective? Or the Skeleton Detective? Or maybe, just maybe, you’ve heard I’ve been driven absolutely mad because the Faceless Ones put their hooks in my brain. Or my subconscious, because I don’t have a brain... Anyway, you’ll tell me what I want to know.”
“You scatterbrain, thinking I’ll tell you anything!” Sarci shouted.

“If you don’t tell me what I want to know, your brains will be scattered all over this room.”
Sarci faltered.

“I’m sorry. I’m scaring you, aren’t I? I’ll try a different perspective.”
After a moment, Skulduggery put a large smile on his fake face. “Hello, Sarci! It’s a pleasure seeing you, after all these years. Although I’ve never heard of you. Would you be so kind as to supply me with the information that you know your master has?”

“I have enough power to give me the time of ten lifetimes! What do you have to give me?”
Skulduggery aimed his gun at Sarci. “How about the rest of this lifetime?” Skulduggery said.
And then, Sarci burst. “Okay, Bangoshi wants to use the Soul Catcher on Erskine Ravel so he can have swap with Erskine’s life to do things to allow Bangoshi’s job easier!”
Kai spoke up. “What is your worst fear?” Kai asked.
“Moths,” Sarci said quickly.
After a moment of Kai whispering to Lavender, Lavender smiled. And then she turned into a moth, fluttering around the room. And then she fluttered on to his head. And then on to his shoulder.

“Are you telling the truth, Sarci?” Skulduggery asked.
“Y- yes,” Sarci said, stuttering.
“Are you absolute? Because if you don’t, Lavender will climb into your ear.”
Lavender quickly changed to a human. And she stifled a fake laugh. “Heh. No, I actually won’t.”
Skulduggery smiled casually. “Okay, then, Sarci, you’re free to go.”
“R-really?” Sarci said, his voice cracking from surprise.
“No, not really. You’ll be put in the holding cells for the time being, and the council of Elders will decide what happens to you. Kai, would you be kind enough...”
“Yes, Mr. Skeleton Detective. It’d be my pleasure.”


  1. Hahaha! I was laughing from beginning to end! It's so funny! :D

    but... I don't think I would fly around the room... I would just fly on his head first. Just to let you know...

    The story was still brilliant though! Nice. :)

    1. eh, actually, I would hover over his head for a sec, then land on it.

  2. Fussy Lavender. Tut tut.

    It was really good dulan

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  4. When you read this, check your email.

    1. And one more thing... reply, PLEASE!